*SCENE 1: "Hope, I..."
...And when I looked in my 2-way mirror this morning...
"Good MorNian"
...I saw my reflection in HD. The good. The bad. And the ugly. And I was kinda hoping somebody else mighta seen it too. With their own eyes.....like my reflection was a mirror image of their own. Perfectly imperfect, perhaps. But the truth is......only God saw my reflection in that mirror this morning. I didn't stare too long. You know, I...........I didn't wanna trap myself, INSIDE myself. I......I didn't wanna, box my soul in. Even though I have been know to channel souls as I shadowbox with the breakbeats of my own heart.
"Beat. Beat. Beat."
I wasn't hallucinating as I looked into my own eyes. As I looked at my own tattoo'd skin. I wasn't debating within myself - about my place in this time. In this world. I was simply looking at my reflection and...
"Reflecting"
...at just how far I've come. As a child. As a boy who has become a man. As a lover. As a father. And just how far I have, left to travel. So far to go yet........yet, so little time. Time moves much faster now. And at times, I get pissed with myself - for even wasting time on summa the most mundane and utterly unimportant things life offers you on any given day.
"Times a wasting...don't you waste your time young man."
I heard that in a really beautiful song once, from a really beautiful and talented sista. A sista, who, sometimes is misunderstood. Like me. Like me, the young man she seemed to be speaking too.
"iHope"
I'm sitting here, thinking about my reflection. So easy to get lost in this night sky......staring up thru the clouds. I can still see the stars. I can still as far as I did when I was just a little boy. A little boy losing his fight for innocence. I still see clearly...
"Thank God for baby carrots...lol"
I'm reflecting light. But sometimes the light gets smothered by the darkness. The darkness of others. Of others who are not me. Others who could never be me. Others who misunderstand my intentions.
"Lost in translation."
I can only say......."walk a mile in mine." Walk a mile in my shoes and it'll still take 6 more miles to to grasp the dynamics of my DNA. 7 miles...and 6 degrees separated. LOL. So easy to assume - I hate my dad. But here it is...
"I. Do. NOT. Hate."
I mean...........what the fuck man. We are all given a choice. A choice on how we live. How we choose to think. Breathe. React. And I ain't never said I was perfect. Nor am I in the form of "iRobot".......so...yeah, I hurt. I bleed. I have real tears, which are now suppressed. This is life's test. Every living breathing waking second is your test! When I took my first breath.....I entered the lecture hall with an A+. And life is my semester. And how I perform over the course of my "semester" will determine whether I pass...
"Heaven"
...or fail.
"Hell"
So......naw, I don't hate no one, especially not my own dad. I ain't always happy with shit he does...but, hell - he prolly ain't always happy with shit I do either. But...I was sent here by way of him and my mother. And you only get ONE mother and father. Regardless of the outcome......when they leave...they're gone. The only thing I ever really dreamed was to...
*SCENE 2: "Dream, You..."
The only thing I ever really dreamed was to...to dream you in perfect pictures. Where life ain't a check to check gamble on your rent. Where you can truly separate the truth from the lies.
I dream you like epihanies that were never really meant to end. Like...I'm rockin' the mic and I been on this stage for 4 hours...
"The Legendary Roots Crew"
...but it only feels like I been on stage for 5 minutes. Becuz I LOVE the spiritual connect I have with my audience. "Do You Want More?". I'm dreaming you like, when "Things Fall Apart"...........and you go left when I go right. Or vice versa. And for some reason we never seem to find our way outta this ditch. Life's a bitch with a "V" on her chest for vendetta. And many-a-hearts have stopped listening to the melodies...
"Til Death......but Do We Part?"
I dream you before my demise that we may one day touch the sky. Even if for a second. Becuz life ain't worth living if you DON'T dare to dream.
"I HOPE you dream..."
...Me, better than I dream myself. Becuz even though my dreamscapes are etched in stone........I now dream my dreams of the future, solely for my children. Nunna THIS is for me! Every single success I ever have from RIGHT NOW...
"Write now"
...til the day I am......ashes to dust....itz ALL for Cheyenne, Ahmir & Thomas. I don't dream in distance. I dream persistence. And patience. And peace. And peace.
"And pieces of peace."
I dream that you love me more than I love myself....which is an infinite amount of love. I dream Oscar for Best Actor.....the perfect gift for my mother. I dream Grammy...the perfect gift for a dad that I don't always see eye to eye with.....but always dreamed of being close with. But most of all.......I dare myself to dream so big that - one day, when my life is over.......
......I'll be able to see my grandmother, Odessa. And meet the grandfather who passed 1 year before I was born, Chester. And Big Daddy, my great-grandfather. And Brown T. Jenkins, Sr. - my dad's father. And Gordon Woodson, my uncle. And Jan Davis my aunt. And Big Mama, my great-grandmother. And every other family member or ancestor who came here before me or left before me. Because each one of them play a distinct role in making me who I am. My memory of each one of them is the reason I write the way I write. Or rap the way I rap. Or sing the way I sing. Or play a character the way I choose to play a character. Because.....even though I ain't perfect. Even though I don't ALWAYS say the right things......when itz all said and done...I dream that I make them proud. So yeah man.....for anybody who took the time to read this...
"I Hope You Dream too."
For Mom & Dad...
Copyright © 2010 by Monty Jey.
-Who IS Mo.Jey...?
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