He dreamed you before he met you...
And you didn't know his name. But you've seen his face a million times. You know his smile. You know his words. But you don't know his name.
He dreamed you a trillion times before he ever met you. He dreamed your walk. The sound of your voice. Your laugh. He dreamed the way your hand feels inside his hand. Your eyes. Your lips. Your hips. Dreamed the patter of every breath you take...as if you've slept in his arms for a millenium.
But you didn't know his name.
You read something he said and it caught your eye. And like any sound woman, you decided his profile deserved a view. Maybe it was sumthin melodic about the words he wrote. Or maybe.....in the thick of this crazy world, what he wrote at that very moment - just made...
"Good. Damn. Sense."
Whatever the case was at the time, you looked at his profile and it spoke his truth. He, of a handsome breed. Straight from a true gentlemen generation. But........(there's always a "but")........you passed it off for what it was: Great words at the right moment.
But he dreamed you long before he ever met you. And sometimes...in the realm...
"Of a Beautiful Summer Rain"
...you can simply look up at stars. You look up at stars and find the brightest one. And if you follow the patterns in your mind, you just might see his face....smiling down at you.
His dreams of you are perfect. His life, like yours, imperfect. And maybe...thas more than enough to make you decide to take a chance. To take a leap. To answer the call coming directly from the middle of your heart - to find out what he's truly about.
Because you don't know his name...and he's dreamed you since before he ever met you.
Or......maybe itz just enough to sway you to move in the opposite direction. The distance. His career. His...
"L-I-F-E situations"
...too much, to risk. And itz not a knock on him. Itz simply, you - protecting your heart.
He dreamed you before he met you......and now, you have conversations. Two sides to every coin says:
1. What he says to you is sweet. It seems real...almost too good to be true. And it just makes good...damn...sense. He's a father. He's romantic. And he's passionate about everything he does. Worth the risk. Or...
•2. You've heard it all a million times before...and there's no way in HELL the shit he's saying can be real. Because, this is, without a doubt...the internet.
But..........he dreamed you, long before he ever met you. He, maybe, even dreamed you - subconsciously - since the day you were born. And the fact of the matter is........like you, he loves warm nights with clear skies and glowing eyes......just like he loves the dreams of kissing you in the middle of a summer rain. But after a time or two of "chatting" with him, you decide that........just maybe. Just maybe:
•1. My life is the way I want it RIGHT NOW...and I really don't need the extra pressure of a time consuming, potential relationship. Or...
•2. I've been hurt waaaaay too many times by false promises and fake ass love...and even though his words are enough to melt, even the coldest of hearts, I'm not investing time in this nigga...regardless of how talented or attractive he is. Or...
•3. DAMNIT! Why did he have to send me a damn NOTE and spark my curiousity. What if this nigga IS: The One.
He dreamed you long before he ever met you. You could take the BLUE PILL and continue on with your life, as previously programmed. Entertain his conversation for what is: Random Conversation with an interesting brotha. Or...you could take the RED PILL.......and lose yourself in the possibilites of him and......unconditional L-O-V-E. Now...
What IF....Love....was Me...?
-Who IS Mo.Jey...?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Volume I/Part 24: "Ashes, Ashes, We ALL...Fall..."
•No Introduction...
This is my life and I hear God speaking...
...But tonight, it seems the wires have crossed a trillion times before my eyes could blink. And tonight, my precious son Ahmir...and my precious, oh so sassy, daughter, Cheyenne - sleep - a second night, away from me. All because of my decision to take a chance.....a leap of faith, in my quest to become what I was born to be. I didn't fail when I lost my job...........the choice I made just didn't turn out successful. The "fall" began in November 2009. It is now, May 2010.....and I'm still falling...
(LOL).......Pardon me, but I gotta laugh. Gotta laugh, because....a lesser bastard woulda found his way to the top of a building, downtown Indianapolis...and then he woulda leaped his black ass off the roof. I, AIN'T, crazy.
"And I love myDAMNself too much to do THAT!"
Funny thing about marriage is this: IF you take somebody else's advice on how to be successful at it, 9.5 times outta 10, you'll be unsuccessful at it. Not being a pessismist with that statement. I'm just saying, EVERYBODY's marriage is different...and opinion's are like assholes, everybody has one. So............why do I feel I've failed at marriage? Well....shiddddd....it would be waaaaay too easy to just simply blame it all on her. Cop out and say, "It's ALL her fault." I ain't THAT vain...and I would never royally shit on her like that. I mean, two people committed. Two imperfect people said their vows. 2 imperfect people who had great, though flawed, intentions. Flaws that were not conquered. I'm not going all off into specifics, EVER......thas NOBODY's business, except me, her and God. I'm just saying......when itz all said and done....tonight........my children sleep in a home, separate from the one I'm writing this in. And.................I've never felt this alone before...
"I'm man enough to ADMIT that!"
I been saying how I wanna record this mixtape and, you know...FINALLY get my music out for y'all to hear. And I kinda been wondering, like, do people think I'm kiddin' myself...like I'm thinking I'm gonna sell a half-a-million copies or sumthin? If so, the answer is HELL NAW! I'm not thinking about how many I'm gonna sell. No......I wanna do it so bad, because:
1. I KNOW how talented I am, without someone stroking my ego.
2. Because my dad...and my dad's father...and my dad's father's dad - ALL had BIG dreams that were never brought to reality or fruition. And the cycle stops here. And...
3. BECAUSE I REFUSE TO EVER ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT OF HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH MY KIDS ABOUT HOW DADDY DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH - SHIT HE SET OUT TO DO!
Hell, the pressure from my family, friends and peers is like a trip to DISNEY WORLD compared to the pressure I've placed on my OWN head
"A $25 Million tag...dead or alive (GREAT...Expectations)"
I know the doubts from family, friends and peers are present. I hear the naysayers loud and clear. I hear the snickers in my sleep. Just like.......I know summa them same people fear the thought of me blowing the fuck up...internationally. Neither side moves me to the left or right. Neither side phases me.
Which brings me back to "marriage failure". C'MON yo.......ain't shit new under the sun. Failing at marriage ain't new. Itz bigger than that to me.....but definitely ain't NEW! Failing at marriage is like, failing God...to me.
But..........I mean this wholeheartedly. I just said two days ago:
"Failure is NOT when you try and you don't become successful. Failure is when yo ass don't try at all!"
Just like success is NOT defined by others...itz defined in your OWN mind. So.....I'll give both of us credit. I believe we TRIED! So....in saying that......is it really "marriage failure"? Or was it simply not meant? Thas NOT for me to answer here. I mean, itz subjected to individual opinion. I DO KNOW......I won't be a "prick-ass" ex. Me and her will ALWAYS be friends and the PARENTS of two....excuse me, THREE beautiful children. We have 2 children together....but, since I've been my stepson's father since right before he turned age 2, he's just as much MY son as my biological son and daughter.
So yeah.......tonight, my 3 children sleep in a home - separate from the one I'll sleep in. Itz sad.................no doubt.
I am an actor. I am a rapper. I am a film director. I am a writer. I am a friend. I am a lover. I am a fighter. I am a HERO....for my children. But most of all...and more importantly........I am a human being and a child of God.
And God.......one single tear just dropped...
"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears, but I'm scared of loving you. I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair but I'm scared of loving you. Am I the only one who thinks itz an impossible task, why it don't last, is that too much to ask? Why do we love "Love", when love seems to hate us?"
•I Have No Fear (Bilal) & I. Will. Not. Lose! (Shawn Carter)
-Who IS Mo.Jey...?
This is my life and I hear God speaking...
...But tonight, it seems the wires have crossed a trillion times before my eyes could blink. And tonight, my precious son Ahmir...and my precious, oh so sassy, daughter, Cheyenne - sleep - a second night, away from me. All because of my decision to take a chance.....a leap of faith, in my quest to become what I was born to be. I didn't fail when I lost my job...........the choice I made just didn't turn out successful. The "fall" began in November 2009. It is now, May 2010.....and I'm still falling...
(LOL).......Pardon me, but I gotta laugh. Gotta laugh, because....a lesser bastard woulda found his way to the top of a building, downtown Indianapolis...and then he woulda leaped his black ass off the roof. I, AIN'T, crazy.
"And I love myDAMNself too much to do THAT!"
Funny thing about marriage is this: IF you take somebody else's advice on how to be successful at it, 9.5 times outta 10, you'll be unsuccessful at it. Not being a pessismist with that statement. I'm just saying, EVERYBODY's marriage is different...and opinion's are like assholes, everybody has one. So............why do I feel I've failed at marriage? Well....shiddddd....it would be waaaaay too easy to just simply blame it all on her. Cop out and say, "It's ALL her fault." I ain't THAT vain...and I would never royally shit on her like that. I mean, two people committed. Two imperfect people said their vows. 2 imperfect people who had great, though flawed, intentions. Flaws that were not conquered. I'm not going all off into specifics, EVER......thas NOBODY's business, except me, her and God. I'm just saying......when itz all said and done....tonight........my children sleep in a home, separate from the one I'm writing this in. And.................I've never felt this alone before...
"I'm man enough to ADMIT that!"
I been saying how I wanna record this mixtape and, you know...FINALLY get my music out for y'all to hear. And I kinda been wondering, like, do people think I'm kiddin' myself...like I'm thinking I'm gonna sell a half-a-million copies or sumthin? If so, the answer is HELL NAW! I'm not thinking about how many I'm gonna sell. No......I wanna do it so bad, because:
1. I KNOW how talented I am, without someone stroking my ego.
2. Because my dad...and my dad's father...and my dad's father's dad - ALL had BIG dreams that were never brought to reality or fruition. And the cycle stops here. And...
3. BECAUSE I REFUSE TO EVER ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT OF HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH MY KIDS ABOUT HOW DADDY DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH - SHIT HE SET OUT TO DO!
Hell, the pressure from my family, friends and peers is like a trip to DISNEY WORLD compared to the pressure I've placed on my OWN head
"A $25 Million tag...dead or alive (GREAT...Expectations)"
I know the doubts from family, friends and peers are present. I hear the naysayers loud and clear. I hear the snickers in my sleep. Just like.......I know summa them same people fear the thought of me blowing the fuck up...internationally. Neither side moves me to the left or right. Neither side phases me.
Which brings me back to "marriage failure". C'MON yo.......ain't shit new under the sun. Failing at marriage ain't new. Itz bigger than that to me.....but definitely ain't NEW! Failing at marriage is like, failing God...to me.
But..........I mean this wholeheartedly. I just said two days ago:
"Failure is NOT when you try and you don't become successful. Failure is when yo ass don't try at all!"
Just like success is NOT defined by others...itz defined in your OWN mind. So.....I'll give both of us credit. I believe we TRIED! So....in saying that......is it really "marriage failure"? Or was it simply not meant? Thas NOT for me to answer here. I mean, itz subjected to individual opinion. I DO KNOW......I won't be a "prick-ass" ex. Me and her will ALWAYS be friends and the PARENTS of two....excuse me, THREE beautiful children. We have 2 children together....but, since I've been my stepson's father since right before he turned age 2, he's just as much MY son as my biological son and daughter.
So yeah.......tonight, my 3 children sleep in a home - separate from the one I'll sleep in. Itz sad.................no doubt.
I am an actor. I am a rapper. I am a film director. I am a writer. I am a friend. I am a lover. I am a fighter. I am a HERO....for my children. But most of all...and more importantly........I am a human being and a child of God.
And God.......one single tear just dropped...
"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears, but I'm scared of loving you. I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair but I'm scared of loving you. Am I the only one who thinks itz an impossible task, why it don't last, is that too much to ask? Why do we love "Love", when love seems to hate us?"
•I Have No Fear (Bilal) & I. Will. Not. Lose! (Shawn Carter)
-Who IS Mo.Jey...?
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Random Thought Check: "SpoRadical..."
Sometimes, you have to write your thoughts out to dig up outta the "ditch". This is RANDOMNESS at itz best...unsugarcoated.
1. In the world I see, the only KNOWN constants, in regards to unconditional love, is that, which I share with my children. I fall in love with them all over again, everyday.
2. My acting career is moving so gotdamn slow, itz traveling in REVERSE! But.........I've been at it so long, itz all I know. I can't allow myself to give up NOW!
3. If you're reading this and know of someone who knows of someone who KNOWS of somebody who has a digital movie camera I can borrow for 2 DAYS to shoot a short film, PLEASE - send 'em my way.
4. CONFESSION: The reason I haven't delivered my mixtape is I either need a studio to record over the instrumentals I have put together and to have it done outta love - OR - I need an extra $250 I don't have to spare to pay my barber to record me in his home studio.
5. I don't know WHAT could have possibly been so wrong, that a couple of my BLOOD cousins REFUSE to accept me as a friend on Facebook, but it kinda stings the heart. It stings that I can get more love from total strangers than I can from some people I love in my own family.
6. Goonie-Goo Goo...
7. I miss talking to my mother every day.
8. If ANYBODY knows of anyone hiring...I AM: your guy!
9. At night, when everybody in my house is sleep.....when YOU (the reader) are inside of a dream, I am still awake, writing, thinking & praying for my chance to show y'all the gifts God has given me...
10. I wonder if there's sum people in Indianapolis who hopes I CAN'T get a film made, starring Mike Epps & myself. The script is done! And I know sum folks who know him & have mentioned wanting to work with him (Skee Skinner directing the film), but for UNKNOWN reasons, they won't put the bug in his ear or connect us. Thas odd to me...
11. When I DO drop "The Love/Hate Revolver" album...do NOT get mad...
12. Happy Mother's Day to every mom reading this. Whether you're a single mom & the child's dad is a dead beat, you're a mom with a good man, you're a dad in the role of "Mr. Mom"...or you're someone who stepped up to raise a child who's parents are m.i.a. or deceased. God Bless You...
13. I love Zeta Phi Beta Sigma, but I don't think not ONE of my frat or sorors have seen my film, "Pieces of a Dream". We gonna have to work on that.
14. Failure is NOT when you try and don't succeed...failure is when yo ass don't try at all! Just like, success is NOT defined by others...itz defined by your PERSONAL definition inside your mind.
15. Every single day, I pray for ALL OF US!
16. THIS ONE IS TOUGH: What IF...Africans had traveled to Europe and captured Europeans and made them slaves...brought them to America and made them build this shit up...?
17. What IF, for ONE DAY, we had not one black on black crime (robbery, murder, rape, molestation, etc.) Take place in the U.S....? Could we then go for 2 days in a row...???
18. What if none of this shit was real. Your life. My life. Then what...?
19. I wonder what it would REALLY take to get the person next to you to lend you a helping hand when you are truly in need. Or is everybody "goin' in" for SELF in 2010?
20. IF I haven't told you today: I Love You...no matter what...
BONUS: Maaaan, a friend of mine wrote A CLASSIC spin on the Dos Equis commercial. IF you been peeping the NBA Playoffs on TNT, you KNOW this commercial (As written by Brandon Brantley):
"He's the hood's most interesting man!
He once shot himself in the leg to avoid a child support hearing.
He can walk through any ghetto in Ameica...UNARMED!!!
His mother has a tattoo that simply says, "THUG"!
He doesn't drink beer often, but when he does, he drinks OLD E!
Stay thirsty, Muthafuckas!!!!!!"
-WhoIsMo.Jey...?
1. In the world I see, the only KNOWN constants, in regards to unconditional love, is that, which I share with my children. I fall in love with them all over again, everyday.
2. My acting career is moving so gotdamn slow, itz traveling in REVERSE! But.........I've been at it so long, itz all I know. I can't allow myself to give up NOW!
3. If you're reading this and know of someone who knows of someone who KNOWS of somebody who has a digital movie camera I can borrow for 2 DAYS to shoot a short film, PLEASE - send 'em my way.
4. CONFESSION: The reason I haven't delivered my mixtape is I either need a studio to record over the instrumentals I have put together and to have it done outta love - OR - I need an extra $250 I don't have to spare to pay my barber to record me in his home studio.
5. I don't know WHAT could have possibly been so wrong, that a couple of my BLOOD cousins REFUSE to accept me as a friend on Facebook, but it kinda stings the heart. It stings that I can get more love from total strangers than I can from some people I love in my own family.
6. Goonie-Goo Goo...
7. I miss talking to my mother every day.
8. If ANYBODY knows of anyone hiring...I AM: your guy!
9. At night, when everybody in my house is sleep.....when YOU (the reader) are inside of a dream, I am still awake, writing, thinking & praying for my chance to show y'all the gifts God has given me...
10. I wonder if there's sum people in Indianapolis who hopes I CAN'T get a film made, starring Mike Epps & myself. The script is done! And I know sum folks who know him & have mentioned wanting to work with him (Skee Skinner directing the film), but for UNKNOWN reasons, they won't put the bug in his ear or connect us. Thas odd to me...
11. When I DO drop "The Love/Hate Revolver" album...do NOT get mad...
12. Happy Mother's Day to every mom reading this. Whether you're a single mom & the child's dad is a dead beat, you're a mom with a good man, you're a dad in the role of "Mr. Mom"...or you're someone who stepped up to raise a child who's parents are m.i.a. or deceased. God Bless You...
13. I love Zeta Phi Beta Sigma, but I don't think not ONE of my frat or sorors have seen my film, "Pieces of a Dream". We gonna have to work on that.
14. Failure is NOT when you try and don't succeed...failure is when yo ass don't try at all! Just like, success is NOT defined by others...itz defined by your PERSONAL definition inside your mind.
15. Every single day, I pray for ALL OF US!
16. THIS ONE IS TOUGH: What IF...Africans had traveled to Europe and captured Europeans and made them slaves...brought them to America and made them build this shit up...?
17. What IF, for ONE DAY, we had not one black on black crime (robbery, murder, rape, molestation, etc.) Take place in the U.S....? Could we then go for 2 days in a row...???
18. What if none of this shit was real. Your life. My life. Then what...?
19. I wonder what it would REALLY take to get the person next to you to lend you a helping hand when you are truly in need. Or is everybody "goin' in" for SELF in 2010?
20. IF I haven't told you today: I Love You...no matter what...
BONUS: Maaaan, a friend of mine wrote A CLASSIC spin on the Dos Equis commercial. IF you been peeping the NBA Playoffs on TNT, you KNOW this commercial (As written by Brandon Brantley):
"He's the hood's most interesting man!
He once shot himself in the leg to avoid a child support hearing.
He can walk through any ghetto in Ameica...UNARMED!!!
His mother has a tattoo that simply says, "THUG"!
He doesn't drink beer often, but when he does, he drinks OLD E!
Stay thirsty, Muthafuckas!!!!!!"
-WhoIsMo.Jey...?
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